Fuck! I can cuss! Yes, it is late at night, a freaky Friday at that, so it's time for some vulgarity! Damn hell ass kings, that's what I say! Man, does cough syrup taste good--no, not syrup, elixir. I prefer elixir. Tub-loads of ole pappy's elixir. Cure-all. Fuck, I wish I could remember the names of old cocaine drinks from back in the twenties. Damn, they were hilarious! Let me think a minute...I need my high school American history textbook. Sorry, I didn't think I'd need to keep it, much less bring it to a university. Fuck, it was funny! I wish I wish I wish I could tell you. You'd love it. Ooo, I suddenly remember half of it! Now for the other half. Ah, hell, I'll--haha, there it is. I'll center it for you.

That's what I'm talking about. I have a pink skull on my desk. My fish used to live in it. That damn fish loved him some Coolio. Sometimes my fish would look at me and his gills would flare up and he'd sorta change color. That's a bad-ass fish right there. His name was Reaper, which is a bad-asssssss name. That's the kind of fish who would drive a Harley. Going down the road flaring his red gills. "Don't fuck with me--I can breathe underwater."

Fucking scary, man, those elephants with the twiggy legs towering over Saint Anthony. Scared the shit out of me. Horse with its bared teeth. My teeth are horse teeth, according to sis. "You should see her eat an apple!" she says to my friends. That lady is holding her breasts as if they were lethal weapons to be feared. I fear the wielded breasts.

People who study fish are called ichthyologists. What do you call people who study bad-ass motorcycle-driving fish? You call them INSANE. But they're on to something. I'm on to something. I know all about injecting botulism, one of the most potent bacteria in the known world, into your forehead so you paralyze the muscles so you can't fucking MOVE them so they won't wrinkle and make you look "old." That is the world we live in. Just listen to all the shit on the radio.

Christianity...Christianity...Christianity...

Christ...